my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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