R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
