My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
