Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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