A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
