Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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