the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
