I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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