Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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