I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
