Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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