"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
