Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
not ubering you a puppy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
