my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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