Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
