Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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