I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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