Don't you send me to vm
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
