we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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