I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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