Say something about gay babies.
honey bunches of taint.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
