I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
