I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize