Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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