Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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