I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
