I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize