just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
