hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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