Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
