Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
