I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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