It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
