It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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