so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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