I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
