I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I supernannyed him into submission
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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