Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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