The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
