You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
