At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
