Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
