Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
FUCK WHALES
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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