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Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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