you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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