I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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