I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
