New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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