Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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