Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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