Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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