Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
