i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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