I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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