He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
