Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Found the puke drawer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
