you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
