He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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