And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
