Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
