he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
