Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
