A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
