i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
