OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize