if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
