He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
