so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
