guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
