there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just pynch a tree in the face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
