I wish I could teleport
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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