The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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