Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
