So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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