I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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