I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A bitchslap is in order.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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