I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
