Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
