You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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