The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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