Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want nice things and good sex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
