No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
