there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
