you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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