piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
