I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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