dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
