I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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