I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
