thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
