For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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