I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
