If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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