I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
