I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
