But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
